Business Management Consultant - Stuntdubl Search and Marketing Consulting

I missed last week while we put on the SEO Class, which went very well. We had a nice turnout of non-profit organizations, and were able to cover some excellent material that should help with driving more targeted, relevant traffic to their sites. Plenty of folks had nice things to say, and I’m sure we’ll have their testimonials up in the near future. Without further ado - here’s this week (and some of last weeks) favorites:

• Treatise on the Art of Blog
• Muhammad Saleem gives more goodies on optimizing firefox for netscape, and Pronet offers up the search engine smackdown.
• Brian Provost explains the lifecycles of SEO consultants, sparks a great debate SEOmoz, and responds.
• Brian Clark explains how the disovery channel can help your links, and uses one of my favorite books, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenence" to illustrate Zen and the art of remarkable blogging
• Matt gives us a nice update on canonicalization issues
• PMac sent me a great rap song about being a super affiliate
• Lee tells us 10 great tips for keeping spam off your blog
• Brad defends the virtues of search arbitrage
• From the master of linkbait title ideas - Top 12 ways to win friends and write magnetic titles
• Brandon Hopkins on trackback traffic and 66 ways to build links in 2007
• Dave Davis has a nice piece on SEO and PPC being complementary to one another
• Hugh on Advertising 2.0 doesn’t exist - Though I disagree with one point - "Live by SEO, die by SEO" - let’s change that to "Learn SEO, and eat those that don’t" - Good SEO types know it’s only a piece of the puzzle that "links first" is a mindset. Link equity is the new brand building
• Markus won’t be upgrading to Vista - for many of the same reasons I reverted.

Monday April 9th 7-10pm
Town Tavern 134 W 3rd St & 6th Ave.
3 Hour Open Bar Party for $40 donation at the door
All money goes to Ronald McDonald House Charity
Charity Party is open to everybody
Big thanks to BOTW & TLA for covering the cost
http://www.im-ny.org/events.html
Thanks to Greg for putting this together.

It actually pains me to put Jason C’s name in a title after all the attention he gleans with the attack hook. This time he actually managed to get himself free SEO consulting as well. I just don’t bother to argue with the haterz like this anymore (at a certain point the skin thickens, and just knowing that your right provides more solace than public outbursts), but I have to commend Neil on taking the time to prove this guy wrong after all the flack and disrespect JC has shown the SEO community. He’s certainly not the first, but he has definitely been the extreme. It is admirable that Neil took the time to explain to someone who will never “get SEO” anyhow - if only to shut him up for a few minutes. Check out how Neil won the bet with only 10% of recommended changes made (Here’s the info on the challenge). It’s painful to think that Neil is helping to give the guy MORE of a soapbox to yell stupidity from, but at least everytime the subject of SEO pops up, the facts will speak for themselves (assuming he’s actually smart enough to implement the rest of the changes Neil provided). We’ll be looking forward to that official “SEO is awesome” statement, and timing how long it takes you to contradict yourself Jason.

Andy Beal started a really cool scholarship last year, and has brought it back this year. With an esteemed group of judges and then me - he’ll be giving away a bunch of great SEM prizes worth upwards of 10k to the lucky winner. There was some really excellent entries last year - and the big winner was Ben Wills, a very sharp dude (and also a real good guy) who wrote about the 5 Pillars of Social Media Marketing. Find out more about the search engine marketing scholarship at Marketing Pilgrim.

Michael Gray ranted a bit recently about how most SEO bloggers should step away from the keyboard. I disagree with him totally. I think there should be MANY MORE SEO bloggers because it helps keep people that may know what they’re doing away from search results that may compete with mine (and it’s hard enough already). I think the whole “How write and promote your blog that will make millions, get you laid twice a day, and help you live forever” concept is a bit tired, so I am going to attempt the alternative. This guide will absolutely not get everything that you write onto digg, nor will it get you worshipped by the world. I take no responsibility if you succeed at being an idiot blogger that no one likes.

20 Ways to be an Idiot Blogger that No one likes

1. Never spend more than twenty minutes writing a post.

2. Don’t research anything before you write - just talk out of your ass like you’re God’s gift to technorati, and link everything that needs clarification to it’s respective wikipedia page (you should be able to obtain a wordpress plugin for this).

3. Format articles to be either 50 words or 5,000 words and NEVER USE bullet points, paragraph breaks, and absolutely NO PICTURES. People hate scanning articles, and have all day to read what YOU write because you are special and write a blog.

4. Entice your readers by saying you have inside info on a topic, which your NDA procludes you from discussing.

5. Don’t edit anything. Don’t recheck your work. Say the same thing repeatedly. Repeat yourself. Make your point again, by changing the wording, and be sure you made the point you are trying to say with what you are saying in your writing.

6. Whine that no one ever links to you, and you can’t get your articles on digg.

7. Spend at least 50% of your posts explaining why the blogosphere is like an echo chamber.

8. Think people care about your life. Despite not writing for catster - everyone on the planet really should know that you have a cat that you love dearly. It’s very important to your job in computer networking. It is CRITICAL that your industry cohorts understand that you have the perspective of a feline owner. When people comment on their own cats, be sure to set them straight, and let them know that it’s really all about YOUR cat, and they shouldn’t be straying off topic.

9. Try to stay away from any semblance of an original thought process, and just regurgitate news, or write some agreeable commentary about a post you found from the Technorati top 100.

10. Spend less time writing your titles than booting your computer.

11. Don’t get any feedback from friends or family that understand the subject BEFORE writing your posts.

12. Never agree with anyone - even if it means contradicting yourself repeated times per day (you may do this with or without selling a company to AOL). Be sure to use the attack hook whenever possible.

13. Write about how to be a successful blogger with tons of traffic (and forget to mention it requires never leaving the keyboard)

14. Start a blog about politics or religion. Proceed to argue the supremecy of your God and political party.

15. Be sure to tell everyone all the private information you hear from friends or associates, because the world SHOULD KNOW.

16. Have no sense of humor unless it is at the expense of someone other than yourself.

17. Always promote your site when commenting on others, and create as many trackback links as possible in every post.

18. Vent all your frustrations about friends, family, and your boss, as well as their most personal secrets, because other people won’t be able to figure out who you’re talking about.

19. Don’t spend any time communicating with other bloggers unless it is to state reasons why they should link to you. Be sure you never link out to anyone else, unless it’s with a nofollow tag (you don’t want to leak your pagerank).

20. Always mention the news you will be breaking tomorrow, and restate it days after it is broke in case people missed it.

Yes, it is cold in New York, and I’m tired of shoveling snow, ready for spring, and there’s just a whiff of sarcasm in this post. If you are going to do a half ass job on blogging, article writing, or whatever you are doing, you will not succeed. You can’t make millions with a garbage product, and people aren’t going to listen to you if you just talk crap. Did I miss any ways to be an idiot blogger?

As any type of company or consultant, the WRONG clients can destroy your success. It is often very tempting to keep clients, since the money seems nice, but when you drill down to the nitty gritty, they are often not very profitable at best, and a complete resource drain that can damage your pocket book and your quality of life at worst. Beyond strictly fiscal drains, a bad client raises your stress levels, and makes life much more difficult all the way around. In just about any company, the pareto principle applies to bad clients. 20% of clients create 80% of the problems. Breaking it off with a client can be a scary experience, but those that practice "culling the client heard" can attest to just how important it is. If you continue to take on clients that are not great, you will end up in a vicious cycle of doing work you don’t like for people you don’t like. Don’t think twice - break up with them. Here’s some tips for breaking up with the wrong types of clients whether you do design, development, marketing, or ANY type of service based occupation as a consultant or company.

• It’s not you it’s me. We just grew apart
  The goals of our company aren’t really progressing in the same direction, and I can’t continue to help you anymore.

• I think we should see other people
  You would be better served by another company.

• I need some space
  I really can’t continue to work with you due to my current workload.

• Can’t we just be friends?
  I’d rather just answer your occasional question (via email) than charge you money, and be obligated to speak with you (by phone).

• We aren’t right for each other
  My core competencies just don’t jive with your strategic vision

Internet marketing/ web development specific:

• You have changed. I don’t know if you are relevant to me anymore*
• It’s not you, it’s your data.*
• Let’s just be linking partners*
• You know I am afraid of commitment which is why I only do PPC. You are more SEO*
• The thrill is gone. Your time on site is just average.*
• We never even convert anymore.
• We want different rankings.
• Our information architecture is just too different
• Here are your website files.
• I think it’s time you changed your ftp information
• I think that maybe you need a designer with a little more technical knowledge than I can give. You know, someone who has more of the traits you’re looking for. **
• Would you like your contract mailed back to you in one piece or shredded into pieces?***
• You’re website is just ranking a little too fast for me.
• You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s me…I’ve just lost interest in the web.
• I couldn’t ask you to trust me again after another Florida update, it wouldn’t be fair.
• Your links just aren’t organic enough for my tastes.
• Your site just isn’t a priority to you anymore. I really need someone who can fulfill my recommendations.
• If our relationship was a redirect, it would be 410
• You’re just not keeping your code up anymore. Do you even CARE what it looks like?
• I can continue to charge you if you’d like, but I can’t do your work.
• "I’m sorry, but I think I have decided on a new text link advertisement service."

  "What, do you not find our link offerings as attractive anymore?"

  "No, of course not, it’s just, well, I met this other company and, well, they have links with higher pagerank that aren’t as obviously paid"

  "Well, can’t we see what we can work out?"

  "I’m sorry, I have to explore this new company and see what happens, to know whats best for me and my site"***

*Courtesy of Andres Galdames of Clicktracks - who sparked the idea for this post
**Courtesy of Reese of DesignbyReese.com
***Courtesy of SugarRae

You might also try some variations of the geek breakup list - I would be particularly fond of variations including:

1. You have been unsubscribed from our client list - click here to confirm
2. You’re a frontpage person, and you know I’ve always been about Dreamweaver. It’s not going to work out.
3. I need a client who understands that 20 hours a day on the Internet is normal.
4. Let’s face it - you agree with Dave Pasternack, and I think it is a marketing school of thought.

Whatever you do - don’t pawn bad clients off on friends, unless you don’t really like your friends either. Don’t waste your life in misery - break up with those bad clients. By ditching the crappy clients, you end up with clients you really ENJOY working with.

More resources on why you should fire bad clients:

• Clues you should fire your client
• Blowhard and bad clients - Aaron Wall
• Top 5 ways agencies and clients piss each other off - Lee Odden
• Warning signs of a bad client - webmasterworld
• Stop procrastinating - fire bad clients - Tom Kane
• Should I fire my client reportcard - Forbes
• Customer responsibility - Seth Godin
• 11 types of clients you should fire right now - Eric Wise
• When clients (and bosses) go bad - Kathy Sierra

What types of breakup lines have you used (or think would be pretty funny if you DID use them)?

Kris, Jeremy, Neil, and I will be chatting about social media stuff this week, and doing a live Q and A session. Check it out if you can make it:

PANEL TITLE: “Buzz Marketing Secrets: Build Your Business using Social Media”
DATE & TIME: 4:15pm, Wednesday, March 22, 2007
LOCATION: Online - Sign-up at eComXpo.com
TICKET PRICE: Free